The Basket Head Protocol

Management has noticed a notable increase in “Basket Head” activity.

To ensure the safety of our customers and the structural integrity of your

plastic-ware, please adhere to the following:

• The Sightless Stride: When entering, one must maintain a forward tilt

  to maximize the “tapered cone” aesthetic.

• The Waiting Room Protocol: If seated, the basket must remain firmly

  in place to ensure you cannot see the person next to you, and they

  cannot see your shame.

• The Existential Stance: If you become lost in the center of the room,

  you must hold your hands out in a “Why is this happening?” gesture.

While the style is undeniably avant-garde, it raises several practical

questions:

1. Navigation: How are they finding the dryers?

   
   

2. Safety: Is a basket considered proper PPE against static electricity?

   
   

3. The Gender Gap: Why is it that only the men feel the calling of the

   basket?